Refinement
Other names:
Social intelligence, Social intelligence means being able to think abstractly (i.e. to recognize similarities, differences and patterns) in one's own motives and feelings, and in the motives and feelings of others.
Decorum
Definition:
"the knowledge of what is becoming in movement and behavior" (II-II q168 a1)
Advice:
Empirical Research:
While social intelligence is not directly correlated with overall intelligence, studies show that it is most closely linked to self-reported empathy and verbal intelligence. In the business world, people with higher social intelligence tend to provide better customer service (C.L. Rice, 1999).
Case examples:
Gifts of the Spirit:
Further reading:
Vices opposed:
Decorum
Definition:
"the knowledge of what is becoming in movement and behavior" (II-II q168 a1)
Advice:
Empirical Research:
While social intelligence is not directly correlated with overall intelligence, studies show that it is most closely linked to self-reported empathy and verbal intelligence. In the business world, people with higher social intelligence tend to provide better customer service (C.L. Rice, 1999).
Case examples:
Gifts of the Spirit:
Further reading:
Vices opposed:
Case Study
ReplyDeleteIn his book, The Coaching Habit, Michael Bungay Stanier emphasizes the importance of social intelligence in business leadership, especially when it comes to choosing the right words in conversation with subordinates. "An almost fail-safe way to start a chat that quickly turns into a real conversation is the question, 'What’s on your mind?' It’s something of a Goldilocks question, walking a fine line so it is neither too open and broad nor too narrow and confining.
"Because it’s open, it invites people to get to the heart of the matter and share what’s most important to them. You’re not telling them or guiding them. You’re showing them the trust and granting them the autonomy to make the choice for themselves.
"And yet the question is focused, too. It’s not an invitation to tell you anything or everything. It’s encouragement to go right away to what’s exciting, what’s provoking anxiety, what’s all-consuming, what’s waking them up at 4 a.m., what’s got their hearts beating fast.
"It’s a question that says, Let’s talk about the thing that matters most. It’s a question that dissolves ossified agendas, sidesteps small talk and defeats the default diagnosis." (Stanier, The Coaching Habit, ch.1)
Case Study
ReplyDeleteIn his book, The Coaching Habit, Michael Bungay Stanier offers practical advice on choosing the most appropriate words in communicating with subordinates. He explains how a skilled manager uses questions rather than answers to deepen the conversation. "'And what else?' is such a useful question that you can add it into almost every exchange. For example:
"When you’ve asked someone, 'What’s on your mind?' and she answers, ask, 'And what else?'
"When someone’s told you about a course of action she intends to take, challenge her with 'And what else could you do?'
"When you’re trying to find the heart of the issue, and you ask, 'What’s the real challenge here for you?' and he offers up a timid or vague or insipid first answer, push deeper by asking, 'And what else is a challenge here for you?'
"When you start your weekly check-in meeting by asking, 'What’s important right now?' keep the pressure on by asking, 'And what else?'
"When someone’s nudging a new idea to the fore, exploring new boundaries of courage and possibility, hold the space and deepen the potential by asking, 'And what else might be possible?'
"When you’re brainstorming new ideas and you don’t want to get bogged down, keep the energy up by firing out, "And what else?'" (Stanier, The Coaching Habit, ch.2)
Case Study
ReplyDeleteJohn D. Rockefeller’s legacy is complex and controversial, as historian Ron Chernow demonstrates in his monumental biography, Titan: The Life of John D. Rockefeller. Nonetheless, the devout Christian Rockefeller exemplified several virtues in both his business and philanthropic activities. From a young age, Rockefeller displayed a gift for social understanding, communication, and a dry sense of humor when appropriate. In his secondary school writings, “Rockefeller expressed himself with great clarity and precision…He also excelled as a debater, demonstrating that beneath his reserved manner he could articulate thoughts forcefully. He began one speech with the line ‘I’m pleased although I’m sad,’ and this gambit so tickled his fellow students that they nick-named him ‘Old Pleased-Although-I’m-Sad.’ He bore another, equally doleful nickname, ‘the Deacon,’ and it says much about his preferences that he actually liked this sobriquet.” (Chernow, Titan, p. 39)
Advice
ReplyDelete“You will be well served if you simply avoid using profane language. Not using profanity will never be offensive to anyone. On the other hand, using profanity may well be offensive, even without your knowing it.” (King, The Unwritten Laws of Business, 88)
Case Study
ReplyDeleteIn his book, It’s Your Ship, Captain Michael Abrashoff of the U.S.S. Benfold explains how he worked to relax some of the stringently hierarchical rules of etiquette governing Naval life. “As gently as possible, I set out to chip away at this rigid system. Formal etiquette is never out of style in the Navy, nor was it on my ship. When I walked on deck, sailors cleared gangways, threw salutes, and stood at attention facing me, backs to bulkheads. They were honoring the office, as sailors must. But in a short time they learned that I was not interested in flattery or fluff. Rigidity gets in the way of creativity. Instead of salutes, I wanted results, which to me meant achieving combat readiness. The way to accomplish this was not to order it from the top, which is demoralizing and squashes initiative. I wanted sailors to open their minds, use their imaginations, and find better ways of doing everything. I wanted officers to understand that ideas and initiative could emerge from the lower deck as well as muscle and blind obedience. And I wanted everyone on the ship to see one another as people and shipmates.
“As captain, I was charged with enforcing more than two centuries of accumulated Navy regulations, policies, and procedures. But every last one of those rules was up for negotiation whenever my people came up with a better way of doing things. As soon as one of their new ideas worked in practice, I passed it up the chain of command, hoping my superiors would share it with other ships.
“To facilitate that, I had to encourage the crew to take initiative—and make sure the officers welcomed it. And that meant they would have to get to know one another as people. They would have to respect one another, and from that would come trust.
“On Sunday afternoons when the ship was at sea, we had cookouts on the aft flight deck, which was otherwise used for the antisubmarine helicopter. One Sunday early in my command, I went back to observe the cookout. A long line of sailors stood waiting to get their lunch. My officers would cut to the head of the line to get their food, and then go up to the next deck to eat by themselves. The officers weren’t bad people; they just didn’t know any different. It’s always been that way.
“When I saw this, I decided to go to the end of the line. The officers were looking down, curious. They elected the supply officer to come talk to me.
“‘Captain,’ he said, looking worried, ‘you don’t understand. You go to the head of the line.’
“‘That’s okay,’ I said. “If we run out of food, I will be the one to go without.’
“I stood in line and got my food. Then I stayed on the lower deck and ate with the sailors. The officers became totally alert. You could almost hear the gears shifting in their heads.
“The next weekend we had another cookout, and, without my saying anything to anyone, the officers went to the end of the line. When they got their lunch, they stayed on the lower level and mingled with the sailors. Given the Navy’s basically classist society, to say that the fraternal scene on the flight deck was unusual would be an understatement. To me, it felt right.” (Abrashoff, It’s Your Ship, Ch. 7)